Chu Qin's Site

那天,看着'康熙来了', 一位评审老师对一位半红不黑的歌手唱的一首对他自己很有意义的歌作出这样的评价:

'我劝你们放弃这种迷思. 要找适合你自己歌声的歌来发挥, 而不是着重于什么意义. 因为那首歌对你再有意义, 你表现不出来,也是枉然.'

针对于这个评论, 我是同意一半. 一般人来说,都会选一些对自己比较有纪念价值/意义的歌来唱, 或许因为比较能够融入情感而从而引起共鸣吧. 到某种程度上我觉得是对的. 毕境有背景/故事的歌, 人听起来,比较有画面. 就好比很多偶像剧的主题曲/片尾曲, 倘若只是在收音机听到,它或许只是再平凡不过的一首流行曲. 可是因为剧中的画面带动, 那首歌反而能让人感动.

再说吧. 好像张宇的'四百龙银', 是描述张宇外婆因为四百龙银被卖到台湾及一生坎坷的命运. 它也是张宇多年来第一次录音哭到崩溃而录不下去的一首歌. 因为这首歌背后的故事,让它更有画面.

可是我也同意评审老师的话. 像节目里那位歌手吧. 他说是因为他女友很喜欢那首歌, 所以他选唱了那首歌. 音色平平, 唱着'静静的'这首抒情歌, 没办法把技巧表现出来, 听了就像路人唱ktv那样, forgettable.  反观, 如果他选了一首比较调皮而能够让他作些舞台创意表演, 反而能让人惊艳.

还有什么其他的迷思, 贴上来大家一起讨论吧!

after 11 days non stop of slogging at work, with 1pm to 11pm shift last 7 days...so tired...tired to the point i became cranky.

For example. I usually bitch about nurses behind their back (with little remorse, oh come on. we all do), but i'm usually NICE when i'm with them, honestly, i am! (within reasonable means). But today i actually told 2 nurses off.

1st one bleeped me FIVE BLOODY minutes after one of her colleague called me to do the VERY SAME discharge script for a patient. I didnt shout la. i juz asked  'is it a script for so-and-so patient? your colleague juz called me 5 mins ago for the same thing. I'm in a middle of assessing this patient who's query PE (ie. someone who could DIE), I will get there as soon as i can'. phoah. good to get that off my chest. I wonder if she managed to detect the sarcasm in my tone.

2nd nurse called me at 10pm when i was in a middle of dealing with 2 sick patients (one with hyperkalaemia and another with renal failure (creatinine 900), again, both with far more urgency than what she was calling me for). 'Doctor, can you come and change this patient from our ward to the other ward on the computer screen? She has transferred there now.' wahliao. you kidding me ah. this close to tell her to f off. Out of my good-heartedness. i attempted to do it (i duno y either). Didnt manage. too bad. told her and told her off. It is the nurses/clerkess' job to manage all these. it is not my bloody responsibility to change the patient on computer screen for you.

the 3rd call. at 10.45pm. 'doctor, this patient is just post-op now, someone has written up painkillers for her but didn sign it (when medications are not signed by doctors, nurses cannot give it to the patients). wahliao. 无语 .................but have to say. not the nurse's fault la.

Good. glad that it's over.

Have to say, despite all those above, had quite a good time, ironically. Coz after 5pm, every1 else's gone home. Me alone till 11pm, have to deal with a lot of things. Therefore get to deal with a lot of medical issues, exciting ones, ones that you have to think and try can figure out what the patient has, get to become a REAL DOCTOR...(instead of doing all the paper works, discharge letter after discharge letters during the 8 - 5pm shift). yea...REAL DOCTOR.

going to prague on saturday for 5 days to unwind...(very timely)

寂寞. 想家. 想念爸妈洁渊.

maybe i should juz go back Spore and work. maybe i'll be happier.

thanks yuetpeng for accomodating me.

i hate urology.It's my current job. I actually don't dislike the specialty itself that much. i just hate the surgeons, ie. my seniors.

My registrar told me to call the Professor of Cardiology (not to mention, at the same time, prominent cardiologist in the world. Try google-ing Keith Fox.) to find out about what drug the patient was taking (coz the patient was participating in this Drug trial that the Professor is chairing and needed to go for an operation and I have spent the prior 2 hours calling all the research nurses, professor's secretaries, research fellow etc and can't get any1).

F**king hell! The professors only chair the projects and give ideas and present the final paper. But they DON"T KNOW and WON'T KNOW about the minute details of the patient. This registrar who has been in medical field this long shouldnt be so stupid not to know that. and of course. the professor was away in South Africa for conference. hah.

To put it in perspective for the non medics. it's just like your finance department Head demanding you call the Regional Director to find out what the budget for the Family Day is, simply because the Regional Director had his/her name down as the Head of the Family Day Committee (and you can't get hold of any1 else in the committee).

i also hate the fact that i am a doctor doing a clerk's job. When i discharge ONE patient, there will be at least THREE paper documents needed - discharge letter +/- book day 10 cystogram + book the patient's next clinic appointment +/- book the patient on the operating list. in an average day, about FIVE patient at least, gets discharged (on a good day). which means, FIFTEEN pieces of paper work. on top of trying to managing medical problems. Guess what. Bcoz the department insists on us using this outdated computer program developed 10 years ago to type the letters, it took me 45 mins the other day to do ONE letter, where i could have complete 1 handwritten letter in 5 mins. annoying. highly annoying.

i'm not an ungrateful bitch. nor am i lazy. certain things just take too much effort and don't make sense. and now, into my 3rd job in my 1st year as a doctor, i ain't taking no crap anymore (when the registrar told me to call the cardiology professor, i told the registrar (politely of course) that i will quote his (the registrar's) name and tell Professor Fox, it was him who insists that i call. hah)

ahhh...shouldnt complain so much i guess. at least i have one good looking Irish colleague(Irish men just has this funny charm. i think it boils down to the accent) working with me, at least something to look forward to at work. Damn it. i was suppose to be professional about it! hah.

nightie night every1!

刚才,出外跑步.跑到一半,下起雨来了. 跑呀跑,头发湿了,雨滴也不停的在我的脸上滑落. 突然觉得自己好像剧中主角那般因为失恋/受了什么刺激的,在雨中边跑边飙泪,蛮帅的.

 

无聊. 我知道.

Moving on to my next job, Urology next Wednesday. Sure gonna miss the relaxed pace and ample senior support in Respiratory. Nevertheless, I do think it is time to move on too, to learn new things.

received feedback from my tutor/supervisor regarding my performance over the last four months today. quite pleased actually. He said 'you really did go for it, and you got more out of this rotation than the others because u went for it'. He was referring to the Audit project that i did with Gareth, my FY2. The project for which i get out of bed 1 hour early everyday, including Saturday and Sunday to collect data over the span of 1 month. hard work, but the consultants liked it when me and Gareth presented it. Of course, Gareth's done loads, especially on data interpretation and analysis, which i have very little inkling of.

He also said, at the consultant meeting earlier, my name was mentioned, and they said i should 'train' the next batch of FY1's on how to operate the TRAK (in the past 4 months, I have been operating the computer system to bring up x rays, CT's and discharge letters during the ward rounds). Ian would laugh his head off. Me, computer illiterate at home. to educate people in using the computer. ahahaha. eat your shoes, Ian.

then went out grocery shopping with Ayano (Japanese who grew up in Msia, who owns a car and always kind enough to offer to drive me to grocery shopping). Casual conversation-ing, she mentioned that she was doing an audit presentation too. I guess i shouldnt be surprised. I wasnt that big-headed to think that i was the only one working hard to advance my career. I was just surprised that something that took this much effort (eh, really, a lot a lot of hard work. And you do it in your own time, not during working hours) is just this common. Something i took so much pride in being able to complete, cheh...a lot of other people also got la.

Still, I am proud that I have worked hard and obtained good results from it. I take pride in every little achievement/progress i've made. that's how i thrive. However, also, I've decided, this tells me i need to keep working hard, perhaps even harder. And gambate i shall.

半夜十二點半, 床上转辗了一小时有余,仍然不能入睡. 累垮了.连续工作了9天, 加上今天的9am 到9 pm, 快支持不着了. (真不知如果回Ｍｓｉａ 每隔两天要开夜班的话,我会怎么撑.) 平时的半杯3合1  nescafe, 撑到下午1点就run out了, 加灌了一杯半的咖啡, 导致现在的失眠. 这种半累半吭奋的状态, 久违了.

 

睡不着,思绪紊乱,无条无理的胡思乱想. 因为怕自己想歪钻牛角尖,拎起电话就call.  一call，call 美君. 电话那头一接起,喋喋不休,上着夜班. 说了一大堆她工作上的 politics , 被某某人骚扰啦 etc． 另一头的pager 响起, 她说她得去工作了. 我… 我… 我要说的事情,还没说到呢.

 

二call ,call 妈咪. ‘周末为什么没call回来?’ ‘做工嘛.’ ‘干嘛听起来声音那么累?’ ‘工作了9天嘛.’…………‘不要那么迟睡, 家里每个人都ｏｋ． 好啦, 我肚子疼,不讲了, 早点睡,啊.’ ‘哦.’

 

三call ，call Ue. 他说也很累,而且鼻子塞了,不舒服.好像要病了.嗯,明天可能会请病假. 我… 差一点… 差一点就到嘴边了, 快要说出来了. 又害臊, 说不出口. 他累了,要睡觉了. 好吧,算了.

 

四call, call Bang．死仔. call 了第三次了,怎么一直不接电话? 应该从 Malaysia回来了吧?

 

想要call洁, 可她现在应该在上课吧? 唉.

 

于是就开灯起来写了这篇 blog.

 

其实,我只是想说, 今天,那个超好人,超慈祥,超 knowlegeble 的 洋人大哥哥 Senior Registrar 把跟我借去的 stethoscope 套回我颈上时, 瞬间有一种被照顾,被疼爱,小妹妹的感觉. 好爽噢. 可是不行啦,人家有了老婆了啦,还是个马来友族呢. 只是瞬间的感动而已啦. 真的没什么. 就这样.

 

如果我告诉你,我现在边写边听着陈奕迅的 ‘全世界失眠’, 你会说我做作吗?

 

我惨了啦. 一点半了.明天还要9am 上班. 完了.

那天,做了个梦,一觉醒来,如沐春风.

细节是忘了.男主角的样子也模糊了.

重点是,梦里面我是那么的蛮横任性, 而他却是那么的一直纵容我,迁就我.

睡醒了,心中还是甜滋滋的.

下次要是被问及男友条件的话, 应该就说要找个会纵容我的任性的男人吧!

2 wks back in Msia for CNY was gr8. just too short. most important thing being, 5 of us, family, together. Jie's back from Melbourne, me back from UK.

Mum's still mum, always ngee-ngee-ngor-ngor kept bugging me again and again about not buying CNY clothes for myself and kept buying things for others and duno how to make myself look good and muz make myself more presentable bcoz 1st impressions are always important and how can i find a bf if i dun dress myself properly and if i dress myself properly i would feel good about myself etc. I know she loves me.

Until she cannot tahan then brought me to some boutiques in bangsar to shop. Thank god (phew!) i managed to find something (coz i hv always been picky and she gets stressed everytime she brings me shopping coz we'd shop for hours and never get anything). She loves me.

daddy's busy as ever with his work. still keeps booking badminton court (i think we played almost 3 times/ wk) to play badminton court with us though. he's getting old, i can tell. i sakit hati oso. dun want to see him so stressed up with work. he'd always say he's ok, work's ok. typical Chinese dad who doesnt really know how to express feelings.

Jie's grew up a lot. sudah tau 'pan leng leng' (make up). bought make up set sumore (expensive wan sumore - Stila!), and wearing earrings and all. Such stark difference from the conservative goodie two shoe who used to refuse spaghetti straps. She's been on a photo-shooting spree as well, using the camera to annotate every part of her life and posting it in her blog. i actually quite like her photos, quite interesting. i wish she'd be more confident in herself, stop comparing, open up and fully realize her potential.

and stop being so GRUMPY. i locked myself in our room to sew her a handphone cover and consequently didnt tell the maid wat to cook for dinner and didnt let her in to use the bathroom, then she just started being angry and grumpy and kept ngee-ngee-ngor-ngor. she's becoming like ma. (yes, i admit to not washing her starbucks mug immediately after finishing my coffee. but hey. if it stains, u can always soak it right?). And yes, i am offended that u didnt take a pic of the handphone cover to post it on your blog.

Ian has a gf now. constantly on his phone, sms-ing, at least 2 phone calls/day - one in the mornign and one at night (when every1's asleep, he pulls the phone into his room, (dun wori, ma alredi knows anyway)). wahliaoeh. got so many things to talk wan meh. He made a caramel cheesecake for gf for valentine's (1st valentines) sumore, of course in the process, had to come beg me for my expertise in cake decorating etc. Ha...jie even had to send him to his gf's house to deliver the cake. as a result of being in debt to both me and jie, he became our filipino maid, Joseph - wrapping my books, downloading hp games for us etc. ha.

CNY is the same. 4 hour drive back to JB fr KL. played cards in the car. Touched down then1st thing was to sit down and peel Bai Guo. somethings just never change (been having to do that ever since age 9. never understood y ppl liked eating it, never understood why I  had to sit down to peel it when i dun eat it). In a funny way, i enjoyed it this time. sitting down with my cousins, chatting, racing to see who peeled fastest, it's not CNY without having to peel bai guo.

Reunion dinner was gr8 as ever - abalone, scallop, sea cucumber, chinese sausage, steam fish. thx Shen shen for cooking. Having home cooked reunion dinner with the family instead of bcoz-it's-CNY-n-we're-busy-substandard restaurant food in UK meant a lot to me. Just great to be home for CNY after 3 years. after reunion dinner, it's always TV count down. Spore TV have quite good count down's - CNY songs, performances, games giving out angpao, and of course, some fengshui master telling us about our zodiacs and how we would fare for the year.

1st day of CNY, vegetarian for breakfast (still duno the rational, actually). steamboat for lunch. loads kids around, all older cousins except one - are married now. most have kids. kids are fun and noisy. Noises like that are what that makes CNY festive and happy. Gambling is essential as well.

Rest of CNY just passed so quickly and now i'm back in edinburgh again and already back to work for 1 week. was rather teary/ weepy first day i got back (was still alright in the airport), kept crying the moment i see/hear anything that reminds me of home. Didnt want to be here. want to go home. like living in Msia except dun really want to work there. Sampai always wake up early to catch ma online to talk to her. Crazy busy ward work helped eased things and am now ok.

ohwell. i should be grateful. at least i got to go back, for 2 weeks. some of my frens were only back for 1 week. i kno i should be grateful. but u'd always want more. i want to be able to stay near my family in Msia all the time, at the same time have a good job that doesnt discriminate and pays well and has humanly hours. if only.

all my love for my family!

i only wanted to meet with my frens so long of not seeing each other. cancelled playing badminton with my dad, bro and sis and freed up a whole day to go meet them despite only being back in Msia for 2 weeks. i take it. it's no big deal, missing a badminton game or two. but it just meant i took my frens seriously and took this 'date' seriously.

Sigh. went there. one fren went away to do his banking and visa stuff halfway. one was nagged by bf all the time for being there with us and ended up being upset and had no mood to be around. the bf, who originally suggested the idea of meeting up (with a detailed plan of what to do starting from breakfast to lunch with dimsum and karaoke and dinner with seafood), was away busy doing his personal stuff, shopping etc.

wat can i say. just utterly dissappointed.

anyhow. still really glad i'm home. really glad to be at home with my family, esp my bro and sis. going for shopping with mum tmr and badminton game in the evening. yay!

CNY round the corner, me getting onto plane to fly back to Msia in about 36 hours. in addition to looking forward to hugging my much missed family and devouring my siham kuey tiao, can't help but absolutely foresee those questions coming up from charming, well-meaning relatives during this festive season - found a bf yet? aiyor...y are u still single? So, eh, have you found your Mr. Right ar?

I get these questions so often (yes i hear sighs of empathy from all Singles United), so much so that last year when i went back and saw my aunt, the very very first thing i said instead of 'how are u' was - 'nope havent got a bf yet still single and available and enjoying it but if u like u can introduce someone to me i dun mind'.

Truth be told. the questions dont bother me. (altho. no real interest in answering these questions either.) bothers me more how much my love life (or the lack of) bothers them. just can't figure y all relatives under the sun can't come up with something more creative/new/different to say/ask.

Well, i supoz. from their point of view, it can be difficult, yea? a niece whom they havent met for years and only have a vague idea that she's graduated and working in the UK, what else can u ask but the most convenient (and most interesting perhaps, compared to 'how's work?') - are u attached?

hmmm... i wonder what i would ask when i become an aunt. oh well. but that's beside the point.

what i wanted to focus on today is in fact the answers that i'm gona give this season. after years of 'yea, just havent met the RIGHT person yet', and 'yalor, duno y leh' and 'haven't thought bout it, not my priority now', i perhaps should put in some effort in coming up with somehting different, eh? also have become tired of reiterating ' i am single and independent, have my own career, have wonderful family and frens to keep me busy, buy things and travel when i like, and actually happen to be enjoying it, you know?'

see, noting the other party's lack of innovation, i figured. leave the creativity to me.

and see, since i'm a single and have no life, i've actually searched through google using key words - 'dreaded' 'questions' 'singles'. sadly. only a few sites were helpful. the rest just read

'you bright and attractive. so y are u still single. take a Tickle's 'why are u still single' test now!'

'What Every Woman Needs to Know About Catching a Man'

'Why you’re single. Whatever the reason, we’re here to help...'

'still single? what's your problem?'

 

absolutely depressing... (and NO. i did not attempt the tests)

 

Anyhow. God's mercy/pity. managed to find a few clever answers. few below are ones i thought interesting to share

1) absolute shocker (and my favorite): are you seeing anyone? - I'm dating a married man. does that count?

2) shocker number 2: have u found Mr. Right yet? - No. I'm not looking for him. i'm looking for a HER. (wink)

3) Religious diversion: why are u still single? - i leave it in the hands of Allah...ahamdulilah. amen. why are u still single? - God is single.

4) Single by choice: why are u still single? - what do u mean why am i still single? of course i am still single! i'm learned that being single is better than compromising my sanity for someone who cannot comprehend and appreciate a load of things I know so intimately. and. i also enjoy fooling around. (heheheh)

5) bore the hell out of them: Why are u still single? - partially, because i'm not good looking. practically speaking, it could also be my busy schedule and lack of free time to date. i'm always knackered at the end of the day and things are just so stressful lately, my boss is just such a bitch who only cares about how good he looks in front of his superior, oh what the hell. also, technically speaking my past haunts my present. i loved this someone who was the most sensitive person in this world but who's only interested to be a fren and he is also 15 years younger. it just makes me afraid to reach out anymore just in case i get hurt again. And my ex just keeps showing up everywhere, he's nice you know, but i just dun love him anymore and he just doesnt seem to understand, i guess to a certain extent, i'm maybe just too picky and indecisive, i don't kno. (enuf yet? )

6) Why are u still single - Because I have high standards. I have a check list and you've failed outright.

7) why are u still single - bcoz there is only one of me. what do u want la.

8) Why are u still single - i dun kno. maybe u should ask my ex.

 

Hope u enjoyed the above, some i made it up, some i got from google. despite all , i think in real life, i'm still going to stick with the old ways of  'well, if it happens, it happens'. i think it's just more easily accepted.

well. only. unless. maybe. not really la. just maybe. if. if and when it gets to a point when i get annoyed. which. i perhaps. might. maybe. just maybe, you know. go for

'it is none of your f**king sordid business and i dun f**king rudely ask you about your f**king miserable personal life so why dun u shut the f**k up and shuff your f**king nose back to where it f**king belongs and start minding your own f**king matters! (oops, ha...sorry bout the language. adults only, ya.)

Happy CNY. ha....

 

 

 

7 days more b4 i get to fly home for CNY. 3 years since i last spent CNY at home. looking forward to the food and the festive mood.

stepping into 2008, things have been quite good for me so far. thank you. my work's going quite well, getting some recognition from patients and my bosses in the jobs that i do. it's quite satisfying, really.

Hopes for 2008.

1) be beautiful

2) be honest and true to the heart (like how my kid sister is)

3) be successful

happy 2008 and hoping to see u guys soon!

when i was young, i'd always ask a lot of questions (annoyingly, especially when i watch tv with my parents) - y did pinocchio's nose grow long? y does superman wear his underwear outside, and the much dreaded question - where do babies come from etc.

and it never ceased to amaze me how my parents had answers to all my questions. i always wondered, how did my parents have answers to everything?

In fact, me being the first born. how did they kno what to do with me? how did they kno what i wanted when i cried? how did they know how to deal with all the tantrums? or when i fall sick? or how to do financial planning for my future education? etc.etc.

Walking back alone from the bus stop after a day's shopping, i had an epiphany. 

i realised. they didnt have answers to everything. they must have felt quite lost, and probably scared at that point too, and for sure, at many other points of their lives.

So i figured. lost as i am now. i'll be fine. so will you. you will never have answers to everything. When problem comes, don't let the fear cripple u. you just need to figure out a solution, or, just do as best as u can - just as all our predecessors did. if they can do it, surely we can.

hope this gave u courage to go on. and much love and thanks ma & pa!

feel like i'm not achieving what i'm capable of.

Yet. not really sure what i want to achieve.

I guess the problem lies wherein i still don't know what is it that i want.

and i think i complain too much

It must have been this long since i last had a resting weekend, that i was completely at lost as to what to do and had this niggly feeling that what if there's something that i should be doing.

Let's see. the last time i had a 'free' weekend muz be at least 3 weeks ago. It started with my annual leave of 7 days (but i went to lake como for the last 4 days), then came straight back to a straight 12 day stretch of work (so, no weekend), and then the following weekend i went to Krakow with Yuet Peng, my friend (hee...my mum said my kaki very gatal...keep going from places to places). felt totally unrested. u might argue - go holiday should be relaxing wat...but hey, we had to get up 6.30am to rush for bus ohkay...

Basically, in summary, what i did during the weekend was packing (moving soon to Edinburgh) and watching TVB drama. that's it. how sad life can be.

I then started recalling what i used to do at home during weekends. Weekends at home always seemed busy, well if not busy, at least all my time would be occupied. it starts typically on Saturday, going to market with mum, breakfast with family (sometimes mamak, sometimes taipaitong), then newspaper time. that would actually lead up to the afternoon already (yea...reading entertainment news does take a long time). once in a while, i go to the kitchen to help mum with lunch (which usually on Saturdays - porridge, if not, noodles. usually porridge).

after lunch, sometimes we play badminton, if not TV will be full of cantonese movies, also i used to have to study, dinner - sometimes we eat dinner out then go hang kai, then back home about 9 or 10pm which again, the TV will be screening movies. perfect, eh.

Sundays, pretty much the same. breakfast, play piano a bit, sometimes accompany my mum back to her hometown Banting which is 1 hour drive away, that would probably take up the whole day. if not, it would be things like following dad to do some chores - banking, buying flower pots etc.

miss home...

been working all weekend. 8am to 8.15pm Saturday AND Sunday. only thing that's making feel good is the crap weather outside - if i can't be outside playing, neither can u. ahaha...

so tired. almost as if i didnt have any weekend at all (which, fact is, i didnt). so tired that i'm beyond point of caring. come what may.

So tired that i'm weak when it comes to temptation - ate the roast duck with its layer of really fat skin + Haagen Daaz strawberry cheesecake icecream + coke + leftover chicken from yesterday + few mouthfuls of indomee goreng. it is only reasonble to be weak when u're this exhausted.

In an absolutely bitchy mood now. that lazy nurse (b***h) with her high pitch giggle and arsy attitude absolutely gets to my nerves. there i was still having a few task to do (sorry, no details can be given. patient confidentiallity), she wanted me to do a discharge script (to discharge patients). fine. the least she could do if to get me the patient's notes ready. she didnt. i looked around, couldnt find it. asked her for it. she asked me to look for it again in the doctors' room. i looked again. nothing. asked her to call medical records to see if the notes were there at all. that b***h, the nerve she had to actually give me phone number of medical records and ask me to call, when i'm still busy with my task and many more things to do (did i say i had to cover 3 wards over the weekend?), when she's just sitting there doing nothing. really. nothing.

i wouldnt dare say anything if she was busy with jobs to do or something. she was sitting there doing nothing. Such it is in UK, or, perhaps just everywhere. Senior nurses sometimes bully junior doctors into doing things. Don't get me wrong. most times, most nurses are great. But oh, this one is just absolutely lazy. b***h. told u i'm beyond the point of caring.

I walked off later after i was done with the other jobs in the that ward. walked off to other wards to do other jobs. really tempted to just sulk and tunjuk muka warna (translate to mandarin). resisted and walked off. couldnt be asked to ask her to call medical records. only thing is, if i dun do the script, it would be the junior doctor who's coming on during the weekday who'll suffer - weekdays are generally busier - only thing is, 1 doctor covers 1 ward.

saw in others' blog that Mooncake festival coming up. miss home. never the same to celebrate it here. even when complete with mooncake, lanterns bought from chinese shops here, Chinese tea, frens. To make pretend that we're just as happy and well off celebrating it Mooncake festival here. sometimes u can only kid urself this much - that u're trying to make the best out of things, but it just isnt the same, is it?

forgive me. i'm just tired. will be ok tmr.

 

Warning (not really): nothing interesting below. just scribbling down the good time i had with my frens over the weekend.

Just got back from Loch Fyne and Oban after a weekend there with frens - MJ, Bang, Ue, Thon Hon (wish Wai Yen could be here as well). All of them are my very good frens (who bully me all the time ;p ) who track back to my IMU (international Medical University) days.

Went on Friday to Glasgow, had dinner with guys, then took a long and extended trip to look for the bowling alley, which by the time we got there, it was well closed (surprise! not! it was about 10.30pm).

Went to watch Bourne Ultimatum at Cineworld. Ticket costs a whopping 6.40 pounds! cannot tahan then bought ice cream as well which costs anonther 2.40 pounds. sakit hati betul. Liked the movie a lot. it's one of the nicest action movie i've watched in years. But felt a bit nauseated watching it, simply bcoz the way the scenes were shot - as if the cameraman was running after the actors all the time. But have to say it was very nicely shot and the action scenes are nicely designed and not as deliberate as those in Jackie Chan movies.

Anyway. spent a night at MJ's place. then nxt day comes the highlight. drove up to Loch Fyne (somewhere North west of Scotland).Scenery along the journey was nice. but wat i enjoyed most was in fact the company. been very long since we actually get together like this like we used to in IMU - going out for lunches, watch movies, sing karaoke etc. Prior to this, MJ was in Southampton (south of UK), Bang was in Belfast (Ireland, lagi far). Only me, ue and thon hon in Scotland. But now that MJ and Bang have come over to Glasgow (scotland as well) to work (thon hon and ue working in glasgow as well, only me in Dunfermline (closer to Edinbrugh), we actually get to meet up more often again.

Went to the Loch Fyne Oyster Bar (oh yeah...) to have lunch. We had 2 oysters each for starters (ooh-lala), absolutely the best i've ever had - fresh and just fresh. I had some Kiln-roasted Salmon with whisky + horseradish sauce, which was very nice, just a tiny bit too salty. But i like MJ and Bang's king scallops - butter roasted - just great bcoz it's soooo fresh (sori, i'm a bit out of words). We belanja-ed thon hon coz it was (going to be ) his bday, and also bcoz the fact that he was gona belanja all of us for dinner that nite (ha...nothing comes free).

Then drove up to Oban. then bang said he wanted to visit the hospital. yea i kno. siao right? coz that's one of the places he could choose to work at, he just wanted to have a look. and so we went. he didnt get to go up to the wards tho coz he had no ID. it was a nice small hospital, situated in a quiet area. i porbably wouldn mind working in an area like this, oban is a small beautiful town (a bit touristy) with a nice port and great seafood. Only thing is in a small hospital like this, might not be able to get much variety of experience.

Had dinner at Ee-Usk (Scottish award winning seafood restaurant). I came here as a student. last time very scared, dun dare to order much coz the food seemed so expensive there. Ordered a fish and chips the last time and that i think came up to about 13 pounds, but well worth it coz the fish was soooo fresh (again.). ha...but this time thon hon belanja ma...so ordered the seafood platter. haha...no la. i shared with MJ coz we both were so full - so ended up cheaper. But thon hon was nice enuf to buy us dessert, which i ordered a bread and butter pudding with bailey's sauce, and bang ordered sticky toffee pudding which was great as well , ue's creme brulee was an absolute let down. but the 2 desserts was the perfect finish for that nite.

Then drove back down to Leven to send Bang back coz him being the pain in the a** had to work the next day on Sunday (today). we ended up spending the night at his place coz it was too late to drive back. had to sleep on floor no pillow so morning neck ache.

Next morning, drove to Loch Lomond and Luss, nice small town by the side of the lake. Typical English - small cottages, with lotsa flower + pottery decorations - gnomes, swans, etc u name it. Had coffee and scones in one of the posh (somehwat) coffee shops. then drove back.

Yea. at this point, i oso feel we all very 'tan' (cantonese, ie enjoy life). seriously. driving all the way to some place to eat expensive seafood. plus. it was great company. how better can life be??!

only thing that could be better is if i dun have to work tmr...haha

P.S. pics coming up later. have to get them fr MJ

 

written in retrospect for events on 3 Sept 07.

Disclaimer: the following is written by a art-illiterate dummy. The author is not responsible for any outcomes resulting from the use of the info below.

Today, has been a day of artistic exploration and as well as intellectual introspection. Visited the Van Gogh museum today, a museum featuring largest collection of Van Gogh's works - including the famous 'Sunflower' as well as many of his own self portraits.

First impression of Van Gogh's art works...hmmm...a bit baffled as to why this 'guy' is this renowned. His thick, disconnected brush strokes (http://www3.vangoghmuseum.nl/vgm/index.jsp?lang=nl) meant that his art works were rather coarse and unrefined. He wasnt as good as Rembrandt (whose art work i admired at the Rijksmuseum earlier) who's a master in depicting the effects of lighting (ie like, when u draw a face, imagine light shining from that back of that face and how u represent htat on the art work), Rembrandt was just brilliant at it (http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Rembrandt-self-portrait-1628.jpg).

Nor was he as good as Belthasar Van et something (can't remmeber the full name), this guy is an absolute genius when painting insects - the precision and vividness of his drawings, it was as though the insects were real. Nor was he as impressive as Leon Lhermitte in the representing the lives/daily works of the peasants etc.etc.

I just didnt understand. in fact, some of his drawings of cottages by the countrysides - these were some of his earlier works, it just looked like some amateur painting (that's what i think anyway) which can be easily reproduced. (http://www3.vangoghmuseum.nl/vgm/index.jsp?page=1467&collection=619&lang=en)

Nevertheless, as i went around the museum, i read more about Mr. Van Gogh and the  anecdotes+philosophies behind the art works, as well as the process of how he taught himself from a novice to become a grandmaster in his own right. I became rather fond of his ideals and his perspective of life.

For example he favoured ' genuine expression over techincal perfection'  and 'loathed the conventional leanring of arts that does not derive from nature' .

You could see it in his work - 'the Potato eaters'  (http://www3.vangoghmuseum.nl/vgm/index.jsp?page=1303&collection=619&lang=en). Apparently, (i took this from the explanation given beside this artwork) if u look at the left hand corner, he drew the sides and back of the chair, whcih in real life, can't be seen together at the same time (honestly, i still dun understand what that means), but this basically illustrates some technical errors in the artwork. But if u look into the artwork. (in my opinion) The colour (dim and dark), the atmosphere (hot steam coming out of the potato), the people (coarse hands, prominent cheekbones, hard done faces) - it somewhat transports u to the scene itself, to view the harsh reality of peasant life. i find that pretty moving.

Van gogh's works are have symbolic meanings as well - For example, he drew the 'Still life with Bible' (http://www3.vangoghmuseum.nl/vgm/index.jsp?page=3450&collection=619&lang=en). The Bible represented his father (who was a priest), and there's book on the bottom right hand corner, which apparently is some modern book (at his time anyway) with some modern thinkings (sorry that i can't be more specific). And this represented his critism towards his father (well, he took a pregnant, unmarried prostitute named Sien Hoornik, and her young daughter into his household. So his father wasnt too please with him).

If you could see now, he is actually a guy with a rather forward thinking (considering that he lived in the 17th century). The things he did how he reacted to situations, u could somewhat relate to it in our modern day life.

My favourite van gogh piece is the 'Almond blossom' (http://www3.vangoghmuseum.nl/vgm/index.jsp?page=3128&lang=en). it was a gift from him to his brother Theo's new born son. I just like it. no particular reason.

Anyhow, my conclusion is. His works are touching and intriguing because there are stories behind it. Just like songs, if there are stories behind songs, they tend to be more close to heart and emotion.

I'm in the middle of creating my life story now. How bout u?

hi every1,

aloha! (yea. still duno how to say hi in dutch). my 1st day in amsterdam. arrived at hostel at about 2pm. Reception guy extremely handsome. stuffed my bag into the locker and then went out for a walk. 1st went to tourist info centre - got a map, and an I AMSTERDAM card. it's basically a card that allows u to visit some museums + attractions for free. but it's only valid for 24 hours from the moment u start using it. after that leh, went to a coffee shop and sat down with my map and started to plan my itinery.

oh. oh. did i tell u. my hostel is bang on in the middle of the red light district. so cool...and the red light district is where China town is as well. saw a lot of siew ngap (roast duck) on my way to the hostel. of course, not to mention girls/mostly old women dressed skimpily, tapping on the glass window. to be honest, a bit dissapointed lor.. i have expected to be more chun women with chun bodies. mana tau - a lot of old old women. fat oso. not that i'm trying to discriminate (but i guess i cant help it either). it's just very different fr what i expected it to be. oh. they come in all sorts of race as well. btw, ma, red light district on the contrary is actually a very safe place bcoz it's very busy at night and has got loads of policemen patrolling and oso bodyguards that the 'girls' hire to protect them (according to lonely planet).

So far, i have to say, i'm not super impressed (should never have gone to Rome as the 1st trip to Europe, coz after that, everywhere else seems to be a bit of a let down). it's a nice relaxing trip and i've been just walking leisurely here and there, the town is scenic but not amazing. i've been to the Oude Kerk (old church) - the exterior = so-so la. went to some squares as well eg. Rembrandtplein (ie Rembrandt the painter), i mean, the atmosphere is nice and all and i am somewhat enjoying myself. but again, it's not that unforgettable. but all in all, i just feel nice to be able to go somewhere and spend some money after just getting my 1st pay ;p

going to go on a bike tour tmr and then visit the museums on Monday. ttalk to u guys later! take care!

btw. it costs bloody 0.90 euros to use the internet for 30mins.

Qin

i like soggy fries - fresh hot but soggy, as in those in McDonalds leh...the long long ones but soft and non crsipy ones.

When i go KFC right. i need at least 3/4 bottle of Tomato sauce. oh btw. one of the worse news i've ever heard is apparently one of my friends' friends' friend tends to spit into KFC ketchup bottles whenever he visits KFC.

One of the things i want to do at least once in my life is to become a barista - not for long, just a short while. In a nice little classy/cosy cafe, soft brown lighting, french songs playing, where it smells of coffee and fresh bakes all the time, where ppl are there to enjoy, where the mood is great. I just think that's awfully romantic.

i can be OCD about certain things. like. To do list, has to be arranged from most important to least important. Like earrings - they're classified into super-like, ok, and no-likey-can give away liao. my wardrode is colour coded. i sometimes even count my steps when i walk.

I have a personality ahem. that somehow just manages to bluff every1 into believing that i'm a goody two shoe-responsible-sensible-apple in teachers' eyes- Ah girl ah..y can't u be like Chu Qin- matured thinking kinda person. I can be evil. at times. ha...

Yea...i think i can be extreme. sometimes i like being childish. sometimes i'm grown-up. i can be the cool sister who dances to crazy tunes and play star war fights with my brother and tell tales on my sister etc. Yet sometimes i'm like my sister and brother's mum liddat. always telling them what to do what to avoid wear more clothes dun spend so much money study more make sure u study more study liao still need to do latihan etc.

I am bossy. i want things done my way. y do u think i became a doctor. so that ppl HAVE to listen to what i say. nyak-ah-ah...evil....

I can be considerate. which most of the time i am. really i am. REALLY. (sori, i sot liao today). i am thoughtful, i like thinking into ppl's minds to figure out what they want and try to do it for them. well. for ppl i care about anyway. i love giving ppl surprises. so far there has been quite a few ones that i'm proud of. Not telling u so that u can steal my idea. haha... kidding. ask me in person, i might tell u.

Chu Qin does not share her desserts.

Few philosophies i live by:

~ nothing will ever be perfect, things dun always go the way u want. So just learn to make the best out of things ~

~ No winter lasts forever, just like no spring skips its turn~

~ Ppl can only intimidate u if u allow them to ~

~ Fine i'm not smart. so what? i work hard and i am willing to learn. ~

I rather be the mediocre amongst the bright rather than the bright amongst the mediocre. (hmmm...beginning to feel both sounds the same)

Questions that i wonder(ed) about:

- if life is only 10% laughter and 90% sadness and sufferings, which it is. y is it still worth living? what is the purpose of life?

- y can't i be a singer (i already figured that out, thank you)

Continued (13/10/7)

I can be competitive, well maybe i should say, generally i AM competitive. not in everything, just in things that i care about - studies, career. I dun care about my frens trying to compare who's thin and who's fat and who's wearing the prettiest clothes (well, they're just superficial, but in a funny way...)

Talking about clothes...i am a sucker for comfy stuffs. i value the feel of the material over the design ie if a shirt/pants doesnt look too ugly (well, if i'm paying for it and wearing it out to the streets, i can have somehting grossly oversize or horrendously multi-coloured right? other words, i still do care, somewhat, a bit about the design), even though when i kno i dun have the need for it, or when i kno it's unlikely to look flattering on me, i'd still buy it.

When it comes to problems, i dun belief in fluffing about. my mind tends to go - ok. 1. problem. 2. how to solve it  3. carry out the steps of solving the problem. then 4. bitch about it. I kno this might be the understatement of the year, but hey, i still do see loads of ppl around who just fluff about, argue, get angry, cry which won't contribute towards problem solving at all.

Generally, the way i do things is very objective driven - i would only do it if there's a valid reason and if there's something to be gained.

to be continued. if u have any thoughts about what kind of person u think i am or any funny weird facts about me. feel free to scribble.